I forgot how good I felt when eating clean. To be transparent, I dread going on Stimulock. Not because it doesn’t work, but because I know it DOES work when the protocol is followed correctly. Craving starch the entire time isn’t a highlight for me either. haha
Here I am two weeks in, no mess ups, but loads of temptation. I am down 12lbs! I haven’t taken my measurements but I will start this week. The measurements come in handy when you have days you don’t see the numbers on the scale that you were hoping for. They help reinforce that you are doing great and your body is losing inches instead of weight on those days…which aren’t inches what make all the difference anyway?
What keeps me motivated? Want to see an embarrassing photo? Actually, a couple embarrassing, to me, photos that help keep me motivated.
The first will never be on my social feeds. Why? Becuase when I saw it, as bad as I hate to admit it, all I saw were my arms, my thighs, my face, and how I knew I was hiding my double chin with my sweet babies head. Now I look at it and it melts my heart, my heart hurts. The days of my son allowing me to hold him tight and rock him to sleep are coming to an abrupt end sooner rather than later and while that photo will forever be one of my favorites of me and my son, it will always have a tinge of shame laced in its beauty because of the way I see myself.
The second, (image is cropped to not show my niece before her wedding day) this was actually taken just yesterday…yes after my 12lb weight loss. I was taking Bridal images of my beautiful niece and asked my sister to get a shot of us. The first thing I saw here…or should I say things…wasn’t the beautiful sunset or my stunning niece, it was my back fat. Here I sit again with these meaningful moments in my life and the refusal to share them because of the shame I feel for allowing myself to get to the size I am.
I share all of this not to hear all of the sentiments I have heard time and time again, but to make myself realize that I started somewhere, we all start somewhere and that I am only going to improve week after week after week. NOT only in weight being lost, but confidence being gained and moments being shared with joy.
Bring on week #3.
Happy Stimming ❤
-K